Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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