Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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