She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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