I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
