I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
