thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
