Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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