Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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