So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
