Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
