Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
