i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
