so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
