You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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