I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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