morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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