I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
