You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We need to feng shui this bitch.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
