Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
