the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
