So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
