hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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