TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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