your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just had sex bonerless
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
