I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
