Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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