apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
