Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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