You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
