hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
