I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
