oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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