:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
