I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
