I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
