we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
