Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
