You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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