there's paper in my vomit.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Randomize
