Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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