guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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