dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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