yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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