I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
