Pants 0. Shit 1.
You can't motorboat a personality
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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