I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
