Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it was like eating out sand paper
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
