after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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