John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library