I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
