I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
