Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
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ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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