im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
