found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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