Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
