She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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