How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
