Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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