Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
