he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
