I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
