she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
