Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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