If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
