Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
