Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
