you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
