Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
