The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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