you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
