I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
