I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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