You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
