My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
