No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
