I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
