can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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