Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
